Starlight
Everything fell out of his head and then we looked at each other. Heather screamed and David put his hand over her mouth. Then we looked at each other again. All I could hear was the noise of the river. I laughed a little thinking about how ridiculous it all was. Like an art house movie, the sound of nature playing over such a horrible image. The valley we were in didn’t help mute the laughing but no one said anything. No one even looked. A brass band could have marched past us. We wouldn’t have glimpsed.
It had been raining earlier. The ground was wet and steep. Sludge. It made getting river side difficult. Nature didn’t want any visitors. Maybe it wanted to keep the ones it got. I don’t know. The valley was shadowed by trees. Moonlight hit the ground from gaps in the leaves. The floor looked like an ocean bed.
There were cans and bottles littered around the fire. Mark hiccupped and Stacey hugged her body. Mascara trailed her eyes like narrow bruising. David was still holding Heather by the mouth. I was thinking about opening another can. Timothy lay on the ground, he spasmed a little. It all seemed very natural. I walked over to the crate of beer, there were only three cans left.
Timothy had fallen bringing it down the hill. He landed face first in the muddiest area of the ground. When he pulled himself up we all laughed. He soured pretty quick so Heather gave him a hug and kissed him. He looked at me and I looked back and he held her and I looked away. I didn’t enjoy drinking the first can. I thought a lot about going home. Stacey sat beside me. I didn’t look at her but she stayed there all the same. We sat in silence for a while until she whispered something in my ear, squeezed my shoulder and left me alone.
“Anyone want a can? There’s three left. I’m getting one.”
No one answered. I could hear Heather crying. Her tears weren’t helping anything. The ground was wet enough.
“This is your fault you fucking prick! This is your fucking fault!”
I shivered for a second. Maybe, but we both knew she had a part to play. Then a memory. It seemed oddly appropriate. I was eight, trying to teach my kid sister to climb trees. She had learned how to get up. But it’s always harder to get down. Her foot slipped, she came down hard on the branch. Her body rotated upside down and hit the grass at a terrible angle. Dad beat the shit out of me over that.
“This is all your fault, you jealous bastard!”
“It’ll be okay Heather. My sister was only concussed, Timothy will probably be fine.”
“What the fuck does that mean?!”
“It’s just a concussion, I’d say.”
“I can see his brain.”
Timothy had hit me hard. Very hard and very fast. I wasn’t nearly as big as him and I didn’t have that look in my eye.
Two weeks beforehand Heather sticks her tongue into my ear and breaths heavy. I tell her I think I love her and she begins unbuttoning my shirt.
“Timothy stop!” Heather screamed. I must have looked afraid. My eyes give everything away.
“I don’t love him, it meant nothing, I love you!”
The last thing I remember is Heather looking frightened. I could feel my eyes change colour.
Mark hiccupped again.
You know when you watch those Kung Fu films. Those pressure points. Prod someone in the back their heart stops. Jam your thumb in someone’s throat they can’t move. It happens like that. I pick up a rock from the mud. It hits him once. Side of the head. Ever seen a melon split?
“You alright David, you’re real quiet?” I asked looking at Timothy’s uneven face. I couldn’t see his pupils.
“I... I’m, is he alive, we should call someone right? Let’s call someone. I think we should call someone.”
“Yeah, is there any signal here?” Stacey said with folded arms before she started shivering again.
Everyone checked their phones. No signal.
“I’m going to get to a road, call someone, maybe stop a car. I don’t know. I don’t know.”
“Yeah, okay someone stay here. Stay with him.” David said. Mark nodded to signify that he was going to go with David and Stacey and then hiccupped again.
“I’m not staying here with that killer. I won’t, I...I...oh God it’s my fault if I hadn’t slept with you...oh God! It’s me, I...I killed him I...”
Heather started making weird sounds, breathing in weird ways. I expected her to laugh but she didn’t she just stared at the ground. I thought that was what was supposed to happen when you cracked. I remember agreeing with her.
“It’s my fault. I’ll stay here, wait for the police or whatever, it was self defence anyway so they probably...”
Heather seemed to calm down she even tried to smile at me. What came out was a crooked smirk. I felt the fear flow through me. Everyone left and began to scramble up the hill. Clumps of wet dirt rolled under their shoes. Mark slipped several times between hiccups and Heather laughed out loud. It started a kind of Mexican wave reaction. Mark smiled and slurred.
“I’m some drunk though.”
And then everyone was gone.
I knelt down beside Timothy and tried to find a pulse. I couldn’t feel anything. Then again I didn’t know what the fuck I was doing. I walked to the cans and opened another. I stood over Timothy and held the can upside down splashing beer against the ground.
“One for my homie.”
I reached into my back pocket and pulled out a whatever jangle I had.
“Fucking Euros.”
I held the change in my palm and moved the coins around. Wouldn’t have had this problem if we still had the pound. I took up a two Euro coin. The one with the most silver on it and then sat down beside Timothy. I placed the coin into his already open mouth and moved his eyelids down.
“Just in case” I said, “Just in case the Vikings were right.”
Sometimes, sitting here after dark, I envy the clarity I had that night.
“Just in case.”
Something in the back of my mind told me to take the coin out.
“No” I whispered “Just in case”.
I lay down beside Timothy and grasped his hand.
“I want you to know I’m sorry and it was an accident. You can have her. Me, I couldn’t handle her. Firecracker man. If we’re all ever, I don’t know, together again, then she’s yours. No hard feelings okay?”
I looked at Timothy and moved his eyelids back open. I wanted him to see the sky. It could have been minutes, hours. I don’t know. At first I thought it was God. Bright lights flashing through the trees. Shadows creeping. Then I heard the voices. Men, guards. I poured what was left of the can into my mouth and looked up. The trees framed the sky. It was like a moth had gotten at a black sheet. Little white perforations. Then in the middle of it all this huge hole. White as bone and twice as chipped.
The tears filled my eyes but didn’t drip. The flashlight found me before it moved on to Timothy. It didn’t move back. “Mother of God”, “Jesus” and “Fucking Hell”. All God fearing guards. I looked back at the moon and the felt salt on my lips. The tears were loose. I couldn’t help it. Everything was so alive. So vibrant. I squeezed Timothy’s hand.
“I know” I coughed “it’s so fucking beautiful.”
No comments:
Post a Comment